You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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