oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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