dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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