I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
