I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
