I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
