Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
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