my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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