a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you would pick up someone in the library
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
