No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
