Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
