I like to think it a success when the cops are called
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
