I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
