Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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