gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
