I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
