Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
thus making me awesome and them whores
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
