STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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