I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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