so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
