omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
