with your own penis?
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
