Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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