I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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