I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Just cropdusted the office
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
