you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
