i always forget guys have bellybuttons
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize