if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
