how can u be prego again
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
