I looked at my own cervix.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
