Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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