we have officially lost it.
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
God I need to hump something, right now.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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