There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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