Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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