I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize