so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
