you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
