Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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