So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you will always have a special place in my vag
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
