Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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