that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
