I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
