i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
