Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
