how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
