if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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