dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
