Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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