And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
ugly people sure do ruin things
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
