You made me cry and you don't even care
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
