You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
