Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
