Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
