Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He did a backflip because drugs
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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