Your tits are I can't wait for
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
