That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
