In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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