I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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