I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
