i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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