I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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