wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
