I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
