I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
