Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize