He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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