I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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