So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
