Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
