I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
