i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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