You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
